the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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