how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
