True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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