you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
