I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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