i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
