I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
