Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
