McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
