my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
