Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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