I'm jealous of your bromance
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize