They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
