My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
