not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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