What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
