Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We were destined to go to rehab together
Boobs are out for the taking
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
