I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
