I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
