How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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