i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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