Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
