ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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