He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize