one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize