I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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