My first STD was from a foam party
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Enjoy the penises
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
