went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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