I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
