shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Please don't give away my fajitas
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