dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
