She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize