I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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