Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
