Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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