She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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