It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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