It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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