her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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