What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
