Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
