Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
