a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
