every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i want to swaddle you in tequila
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
