Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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