they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
