I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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