It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
