if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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