I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
