i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
we should paint friendship bongs
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
