pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
