the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She even gives head with a lisp.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
