she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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