Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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