i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
