I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Your cock deserves a montage
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
