i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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