Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
