That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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