oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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