and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
