I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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