yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
sarcasm needs its own font
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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