she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
